As I sit here trying to do all the things that my life requires of me, I feel myself drifting off in reflection. Reflecting what my life was like and what it is NOW. There are moments when I get angry, but yet there are many in which I am filled with excitement. I wonder to myself, why it is after all this time I am so filled with the erge to reflect and thinking about my life and what I have been through. Why do we have to pick at the memories? Why can I just be happy for the future that I am building for myselfm my children, with my wonderfully amazing fiancee. There is no answer that I can give, all that I can say is that they are pieces and baggage, that I do not want to take along with me once set out into the next chapter in my life. I am angry, because even though my life has taken a remarkable turn for the better, I still remember all that my children and I have been through. There is still a sting of what was left behind. I have anger that does not consume me, but does find its way into my mind when I think about the decisions that are being and have been made. I am trying to move past it and move on in my life, at least that is what I tell myself.
I am in a new transition; I have found true love in life and have begun planning our wedding, so there is an upside to my madness. And it is very interesting to think about it all, as I was truly not looking, nor did I want to have another MAN in my life. I was happy and content with being a mother to my children. I think the fact that I have decided to put my heart out there again, and have been so lucky to have found someone that is willing to guard and protect it, scares me. Because like so many other women out there, once you have been burned you have a part of you that can’t let go or forgive and forget. But I must release my feelings, my thoughts, my heart and my soul. As the success of my life is a reflection of the success and health of my mind and my heart and my heart is quickly mending.
As randomly as my thoughts come, they will be shared so bare with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment